


Do I Wanna Know?

by Captain_Kiri_Storm



Category: Star Wars - All Media Types
Genre: Alternate Universe - Everyone Lives/Nobody Dies, Bored Clonetroopers, Fluff and Humor, Funny, Gen, Halloween, Halloween Costumes, I Can't Believe I Wrote This, Inappropriate Humor, M/M, One Shot, Pranks and Practical Jokes, Sith Shenanigans, Space Husbands, This is so not canon that I'm not even trying, jumpscares
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-10-13
Updated: 2017-10-13
Packaged: 2019-01-16 21:57:49
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,007
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12351363
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Captain_Kiri_Storm/pseuds/Captain_Kiri_Storm
Summary: It's Halloween on Bellassa. Ferus and Roan want to continue the Bellassan tradition of scaring the shit out of newly married couples and they have the perfect idea: jumpscares. Costumed jumpscares. After all, Solace and her boyfriend Laias did it to them...Perhaps they should have remembered that their newly married couple of choice consists of a jumpy clonetrooper and a failed Sith with an itchy trigger finger





	Do I Wanna Know?

It was a perfect plan. What could go wrong? Ferus knew for a fact that Maul didn't get up very well. He didn't like to talk until he'd had his first cup of caff and even then it was pretty iffy until the second or the third. Dogma, on the other hand, was the one you had to fool. He liked getting up and was _perky_ in the morning. Maul, by contrast, was a grouch who wanted to sleep in all day and usually got going around ten o'clock. It was perfect, too. Roan knew quite a bit about disguises and make up and Ferus knew how to use the Force to mask themselves. Ut was rather useful when you wanted to get it on with your husband, but couldn't because a high strung ex-Sith happened to be in the next room. Maul had no compunction against slamming his fists on the wall if he felt that people were getting to loud. It had happened one too many times to just be Maul accidentally being slammed into the wall.

Bellassans believed that the couple who protected each other in the time of fear were the perfect ones for each other. This had evolved over the years into the fun Halloween tradition of dressing up in costumes and jumping out at each other. Solace and Laias had been zombies last year. That was what Ferus was going for this year. Now just where to hide...

Ferus ripped up his least favorite shirt (could he help that the first shirt he had grabbed at the market had been a bright pink "My Pretty Pony" t-shirt? And did he want to know why there were grown men who liked My Pretty Pony?) with a knife and dunked it in a solution of engine oil and red paint. Beside him, Roan was doctoring the set of medical scrubs he'd had after he'd been recovered from the Empire. Why Roan still owned the things was beyond Ferus, but who was he to say anything? It looked like the ripped up scrubs would be going in the same bucket as the shirt and a pair of cargo pants he pinched from Dash Rendar. Well, the pilot did owe him money and cargo pants would go towards paying that debt.

After the clothes were suitably mutilated, Roan grabbed what looked like a tube of hair dye, plus gel. Ferus grimaced. The last time he'd worn that, he had been trying to pass himself off as a rockstar and nearly got captured. But he squared his shoulders and let Roan smear his hair with red and black gel. Then, it was time for the make up. First things first: being slathered with "death colored" paint wasn't his head of a good time. Ferus was trying to keep himself from freaking out as he grabbed the clothes from the bucket. As expected, the oil and paint hadn't mixed. Now both sets of clothes were stained a dingy grey _and_ bright red like blood. Roan looked a little horrified as he shimmied into the soaking wet scrubs, but he did it and fixed the mask over his face. Ferus followed suit.

"That's cold!" he hissed.

Roan glared at him. "Let's yell a little louder so we wake them up this time."

"Judging by the way they were carrying on last night, Maul is either gonna be limping for the next two days or sleeping til noon." Ferus considered for a second. "Probably both, now that I think about it." Roan rolled his eyes, but he finished applying the make up and grinned at the handiwork. Wearing that completely destroyed set of scrubs and his makeup did make Roan look terrifying. Ferus touched the Force just to make sure that it was still his husband. After that, he cloaked both of them and they walked through the apartment. Maul and Dogma slept at the end of the hall, often in each other's arms. Ferus knew this because he'd walked in on them accidentally. Thankfully both of them had been asleep.

Ferus eased the door open and slipped inside. He didn't have to use the Force to know that Maul was asleep. The Zabrak was snoring, flopped all over Dogma. The clone was either crushed or happy about it. Ferus nodded to Roan. The former Jedi made the alarm clock ring and Maul jumped up. His golden eyes scanned the room. He seemed half asleep, which was good.

Beside him, Roan crouched down. Ferus looked at him and held up fingers. _3...2...1..._ He jumped up and uttered the most blood curdling scream he'd ever managed. Maul took one look at both of them and bellowed a curse. He scrambled back as best he could and the next thing Ferus knew, he was flying through the air. Dogma woke up with a start. He saw both of them and grabbed his blaster. Maul was having none of that and flung them again, putting his body in front of his husband. Later, Ferus would realize that Maul slept naked, but right now he was trying to get _away_ from half asleep, angry Sith. Maul jumped out of the bed and grabbed what looked like the piece of rebar Dogma had. Ferus had no idea why it was in that room, nor did he want to know.

"It's me!" Roan ripped off the mask and threw Ferus behind him. "We're not really zombies!" He dodged aside Maul. "Dude, you _really_ need your pants on! I don't wanna get mooned!"

Maul dropped the rebar and looked at them. "What is this?!"

Ferus wiped off the makeup as best he could. "You should have seen the look on your face! It's priceless!" This was also going on the ShadowNet, not that Maul needed to know.

Dogma picked his head up. "Why are you wearing costumes or do I wanna know?"

"You don't." Ferus started easing his way out of the room, before he collapsed beside Roan and shared the laughter. Mission. Accomplished.


End file.
